the nascar fandom is in shambles rn bc the official account posted #yascar with a link to pride merchandise and a real life reply was ‘smh no longer supporting nascar has been going downhill since they banned the confederate flag’

like fr fr

Man, I kinda wanna be like Silence Brand! but unfortunately "Yascar" is like really, really funny

you know what? fuck you *untandems your maus*

my brother had a brilliant idea that i wanted to share with other people who have four-legged family members: he trained our two cats to go directly to the door when they hear the fire alarm.

obviously at first the fire alarm sent them scrambling for cover, but he started slowly by giving them treats whenever it went off, when someone burned food or forgot to open the fireplace flu. he then progressed to calling them to the door to offer treats immediately after the alarm went off. and it actually wasn't too long before the cats voluntarily started going to the door upon hearing the alarm.

i think this was genius because in the event of a real emergency we know exactly where the cats will be and we will not have to waste precious time trying to find them to rescue them. i think this method would work equally well with dogs and probably other free-roaming pets such as rabbits, ferrets, etc. and i certainly encourage others to give it a shot!

I trained Neelix to alert me to Sounds. So in the even of A Sound he'd find me to let me know about it. Oven timers, knocking at the door, weird creature stuck in the yard, etc. This has the added effect of being able to scoop him up and bring him to safety in the event said sound is a fire alarm or a tornado siren.

The downside is, when I had a baby, every time it cried he'd barrel into the room to let me know. Even if I was already in the room. And if I couldn't make The Sound stop (because an infant works differently than an oven timer), he'd start biting me urgently. 😅

Confused, but doing his best:

Oh, context is that I'm deaf not that I wanted to create a beast that'd harass me over sounds.

USPS extended postal bird universe

#this is how tumblr callout posts are structured

my girlfriend told me we're going to the park, but this looks weirdly like the vet's office? haha crazy right

i fell asleep and they gave me a weird tattoo?

THEY TOOK MY BALGS

I think sometimes people forget that the gov is the corporations’ bitch, not the other way round.

This has made the city go “wait, it sucks that we can’t punish corporations who do this”, though:

Los Angeles City Controller Kenneth Mejia tweeted Friday that StreetsLA would be fining Universal Studios $250 for trimming trees without a city permit. He also said that “outdated laws limit fine amounts and aren’t equitable across offenders, especially big corporations” and that he will recommend these laws be reevaluated. 

(Source)

Buying a car

English added by me :)

#i love when guys who are bored at work #film what's clearly a cherished daydream of the entire staff (via @plesiosaura)

These hot mermaids invited me to smoke a bowl at their place and I had to tell them I can't go because I can't breathe underwater and would drown and then they all started pointing and laughing at me. They called it a gill issue.

I know people on tumblr looove stories of underwater cave diving, but I haven't seen anyone talk about nitrogen narcosis aka "raptures of the deep"

basically when you want to get your advanced scuba certification (allowing you to go more than 60 feet deep) you have to undergo a very specific test: your instructor takes you down past the 60+ foot threshold, and she brings a little underwater white board with her.

she writes a very basic math problem on that board. 6 + 15. she shows it to you, and you have to solve it.

if you can solve it, you're good. that is the hardest part of the test.

because here's what happens: there is a subset of people, and we have no real idea why this happens only to them, who lose their minds at depth. they're not dying, they're not running out of oxygen, they just completely lose their sense of identity when deep in the sea.

a woman on a dive my instructor led once vanished during the course of the excursion. they were diving near this dropoff point, beyond which the depth exceeded 60 feet and he'd told them not to go down that way. the instructor made his way over to look for her and found a guy sitting at the edge of the dropoff (an underwater cliff situation) just staring down into the dark. the guy is okay, but he's at the threshold, spacing out, and mentally difficult to reach. they try to communicate, and finally the guy just points down into the dark, knowing he can't go down there, but he saw the woman go.

instructor is deep water certified and he goes down. he shines his light into the dark, down onto the seafloor which is at 90 feet below the surface. he sees the woman, her arms locked to her sides, moving like a fish, swimming furiously in circles in the pitch black.

she is hard to catch but he stops her and checks her remaining oxygen: she is almost out, on account of swimming a marathon for absolutely no reason. he is able to drag her back up, get her to a stable depth to decompress, and bring her to the surface safely.

when their masks are off and he finally asks her what happened, and why was she swimming like that, she says she fully, 100% believed she was a mermaid, had always been a mermaid, and something was hunting her in the dark 👍

#The best thing about Barbie (2023) is probably Ryan Gosling who method acted too hard